A pro-Big-Life-Changes newsletter
6 years on Substack, lots of updates, 1-on-1 calls with me, and a subscription sale
Honey Stay Super is a pro-Big-Life-Changes newsletter, even when things get messy. Especially then.
In the past ten years I’ve swung for the fences as often as I’ve been scraping along the ground, but at least I’m never bored. I’ve been on Substack for six of those years, which is almost as long as Substack has existed. (Where did the name Honey Stay Super come from? You can read about that here.)
It’s more than time for a subscription sale, it’s time for some updates.
As I look to what’s next and what I want this newsletter to be, it’s clear that this can’t only be a divorce newsletter. It’s not how it started and it’s not how I want to continue. Don’t worry, I will absolutely still write about divorce because it will never not be worth examining. We will never get to the end of divorce being a relevant topic for examination, handwringing, rage, sorrow, unfairness, stupidity, or shame (I wish). But it will no longer be my sole focus. It’s not my sole focus in life, and I want to move on from it being the primary focus of my work here.
In reality, the biggest spikes in my readership have always been when I’ve dug deep into big life changes, no matter what they are.
Motherhood, twice. Big change.
Ending a marriage. Big change.
Publishing a book, twice. Big change.
Firing my agent and walking away. Crazy change?
Finally getting a divorce. Most recent big change.
Leaving Vermont after 21 years? Upcoming big change.
But I think you’re here not just because I write about big life changes (let’s face it, those happen to everyone) but because I write about them with rawness, vulnerability, humor and some naughtiness. I hope that’s why you’ll stay, share, and even upgrade to a paid subscription if you haven’t already.
And now is the best time to do that. I run just one subscription sale a year, and this is it! For a limited time, get 20% off an annual subscription.
On this sixth Substack anniversary — and only my second having paid subscribers — I have some big updates for you:
More Free Posts
• I’ve removed the paywall from over half the posts in the Honey Stay Super archive. So now there’s more free stuff for more readers and free subscribers, and I won’t be auto-paywalling any free posts going forward.
• These are some of my most popular posts if you want to catch up, now for free:
—Becoming even more yourself: Women and mid-life tattoos: Divorce, grief, reclamation, and the mark of a changed life
—"Can women really have it all?" implies the existence of people who do
—Midlife is the age of mastery: Rage against the decline narrative
—"How do you/how can I have a successful writing career?": My book advances, my day rate, and what qualifies as "successful"
New Founding Member Benefit
• Every Founding Member will now get a one-hour Zoom call with me per year. Could be 1-on-1 or for your book club or your group of friends with cocktails! We can talk about writing (mine or yours), divorce (yours), or whatever you want. The weather? This benefit applies every year that you’re a Founding Member.
• Don’t want the call? You can gift it to someone you love. Or hate. It’s your funeral.
New Categories
• I’ve finally culled and reorganized my entire archive. If you go to the home page you’ll see that that there’s a new nav at the top where every post is now organized by topic: Birthdays, Divorce, Sex and Dating, Motherhood, and more.
• Some categories of note:
—Cold Takes: These essays will always be free! Cold Takes are fresh insights on formerly hot cultural moments, shows, books, and more. There’s only one now: Side eyes, full diapers, always lose: The writers strike myth plus girls, women, and maternity in Friday Night Lights Season 2, but more will be coming very soon.
—^ Related: I suppose my very first Cold Take was this book review in The Washington Post: “The one book about marriage I wish I’d read before my wedding: Stephanie Coontz’s ‘The Way We Never Were,’ first published 30 years ago, made me see how fundamentally flawed my expectations for my marriage and parenting were”
—Cutting Room Floor: Pieces cut from BUT YOU SEEMED SO HAPPY. This is the only place you’ll find ‘em.
—Humor: I used to be a humor writer. I’m not sure what happened [ed. note: LIFE]. This is one of my favorites from the Honey Stay Super archive, a mini screenplay about Hachette backing out of publishing Woody Allen’s autobiography: “Hachette and Her Sisters”
—Money: Definitely not a how-to! If you feel anxious about money and what a fuckup you are, you might “enjoy” reading pieces where you can sense my palpable anxiety and feelings of failure and also jealousy?
Why should you pay for Honey Stay Super?
Look it’s not on you to singlehandedly make up for the collapse of legacy media and online outlets alike, although it probably feels that way. Paid subscriptions support my ability to do this work, simple as that. I paywall my content that’s the most intimate and raw, because a paywall allows me to feel more protected from bad faith readers. Here are some suggestions if you just can’t swing a regular paid subscription right now:
• Refer friends to Honey Stay Super and you can get a free subscription. Refer 5 readers, get 1 month free. Refer 10 readers, get 3 months free. And refer 15 readers and get 6 months free! Just go here:
• Sign up for a group subscription. I offer a 20% subscription discount year-round. This is a perfect option for book clubs, discussion groups, friend groups, or events and panels.
More about me
If you’re like, how did I even get here? Who are you? And how did you get this number? Here’s more:
I’m a long-time creative director, a two-time published author, and an all-time silly goose. I’m a woman over 50. A mother of young adults. An official ex-wife. Also: A dumb bitch. A relentless trying-to-be-better-er. A born-again slut. A life-long late bloomer. And you’ll rarely catch me doing what I should be doing at my age or stage, whatever the hell that means.
Cheryl Strayed said this on my newsletter about turning 54: “I just love your writing so much. And this one is especially spectacular.”
Why should you read Honey Stay Super?
Because you like me. Because you like my writing. Because you’ve worked with me and looked this Substack up and now regret it. Because you want to see what I’ll do next in the big life changes department, sort of like a cross between monitoring a science experiment and watching a car crash. Because you’re growing elderly waiting for me to write another (non-fiction memoir-ish) book and what can I say, that’s probably not changing any time soon.
Because this is the first — and for now only — place where I publish personal essays. My writing previously appeared in The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Washington Post, The Cut, and McSweeney’s, and more. Many things I’ve written have gone viral, been the Most Read on the publications above, landed me on best-of and end-of-year lists, and resulted in appearances on CNN and PBS Newshour. I’ve written two books, AMATEUR HOUR about motherhood and BUT YOU SEEMED SO HAPPY about marriage and my non-traditional separation. This next phase of my life is only being written about here.
Because you’re going through big life changes too and want to read something that speaks to that, and to you. Because your kids are growing up or grown, because you’re getting a divorce, because you feel like fucking around a wholeeee lotttttt, and/or because you feel like laughing about (some of) that. Because sometimes you just want a melancholy read along with some pretty pictures. Because you’re sick of feeling shame about wanting more — more independence, more sex, more money, more connection, more crying-in-public, more being-validated-the-living-shit-out-of, more outspokenness, more tenderness, and more pro-being-on-your-own narratives. These are all perfect reasons to be here.
Lastly
If you’ve made it this far then I know you’re a) in love with me, b) in love with this newsletter, c) a dedicated hate reader, or d) it doesn’t matter, hi.
I want to grow Honey Stay Super’s paid community and I need your help. Below are some features, directions, and formats I’m considering adding. I’d love to hear from you. Are any of these a yes please (as in, you’d pay for that benefit)? Or are they a meh, who cares? Or do you feel like, you know what? Don’t change a thing. You can comment below or simply respond to this email to share your suggestions privately.
• Collaborations with some of your other favorite Substackers (who do you love?)
• Live video or chat (book discussions, new tattoo reveals (ha!), travelogues, a moving-out-of-Vermont diary)
• Audio voice notes (about what, I have no idea. Riffs on the end of the world?)
• WILD CARD: hit me with your best suggestions!
Thank you for being a reader! You’re the reason I’m here. Well actually, I’m the reason I’m here, but then you’re definitely the second reason. Wait, my parents are the first reason I’m here. Then me. Then you, third. A super close third.
You can find my books here.
You can find more writing here.
You can find my work for brands here.
You can find me wasting time on Instagram.
Psssst liking this post (🖤) helps more readers find it.
Love your writing, loved meeting you this year <3
I would dig collaborations with other substackers!! Not sure what it would look like precisely but that tattoo piece was super cool. Maybe written interviews or guest writing, with your commentary?