Choosing readers for your book
(or your whatever)
Let me start by saying this newsletter is long, long, long. And full of photos all taken since we went into self-isolation. Last Sunday I handed my book off to readers and let me tell you something, ever since the moment I hit send on that email, bluebirds have been landing on my shoulders, forest creatures have emerged from the dark wood singing soothing songs while draping floral garlands around my neck. These are just facts. But also: I’ve been digging out of a month where I struggled to keep my focus on the one thing I actually needed to get done. This past week it’s been nice to just read things I’ve wanted to read, close about thirty tabs on my browser, and look back at what the hell I even looked at or did the past few weeks.
Aside from thinking about the end of the world, I’ve also been thinking about the readers I chose for AMATEUR HOUR and now this book. If you aren’t already part of a writing community, a writing program, etc. and so on you might find this helpful. Because I certainly was not when I was working on my first book and that has only changed marginally at this point. I cobbled together my own rules based on gut and experience and although I can’t say what the results are yet for my current choices I do trust my current readers. You can, of course, apply these rules to shorter form pieces not just a monster hell project like a book!
DOES THIS PERSON KNOW HOW TO PROVIDE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM?
I know this seems duh-doy-derp obvious but I have made this mistake before. Some people have a hard time critiquing work without feeling paralyzed by the fear they’ll hurt the writer’s feelings (we don’t have feelings, hello). This is lovely in spirit but unhelpful to you as a writer. People far outside the bounds of writing workshops and publishing know how to do this, so don’t get hung up on the fact that you don’t know fancy writers or fancy instructors. Most of my readers on AMATEUR HOUR were people I had worked with at ad agencies and design studios. Because guess what? Those motherfuckers know how to poke holes in work until the cows come home. But most people who haven’t developed this skill find it challenging and even painful to criticize another person’s work. You will almost be able to hear the “I’m sorry” threaded throughout their comments. Choose people who will swing for the fences and do it in a professional and thoughtful manner, i.e. it’s not about shitting on the writing just to shit on it. No one needs that.
DO YOU WANT TO MAKE THE WORK BETTER OR DO YOU JUST WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?
There is no way around this, you have to toughen up and get better at hearing hard feedback. I’m not saying it’s fun (in fact, it absolutely blows) but if the goal is to make the work the best it can be then you have to: a) build up that calloused soul of yours and b) ask people who will give you clear, critical feedback without being total dicks about it. Sure you can ask your friends and family on Instagram and Facebook who always comment, “You should write a book!” to your 250-word captions. But I think you and I both know that is probably a mistake.
DO NOT CHOOSE ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE JEALOUS OF YOU/YOUR WORK, HAS SOME KIND OF AXE TO GRIND, OR SELFISHLY JUST WANTS TO READ YOUR BOOK BEFORE ANYONE ELSE
This one is a little tougher to stick to than you might think. When you are writing a book (depending on what it’s about, of course) people will offer to be your reader. But in my other life experience with clients and feedback, too much feedback or feedback from the wrong person is worse than no feedback at all. And if you have any doubts about where this feedback is coming from (pettiness, jealousy, just a selfish desire to see if your book is “any good” before anyone else gets a chance to read it) there is just no way you’ll be able to sift through that feedback in a clear-minded way. You have to believe your readers are on your side. You have to trust they want the work to be great. And, yes, you can get not-cool vibes from your actual friends and other people who you otherwise find delightful! We all have complicated feelings about people we genuinely love or even just like (hey, at least I do) so this isn’t a judgment. Just something to work around. “Separation of church and state” comes to mind here.
And yes it can feel bad, real bad, to pass on an offer that a friend (or family member) made to read your book but you’re saving yourself both emotional and actual work if it’s a bad fit, the dynamics are weird, or you simply want to either a) limit the amount of feedback you get, period or b) you want to limit it to the most relevant / useful / thorough / whatever feedback possible.
DOES THIS PERSON HAVE RELEVANT EXPERIENCE WITH THE TOPIC?
I can only speak for the non-fiction side here and, again, perhaps this one is obvious. But I’ll just reiterate that feedback from the wrong person is worse than no feedback at all. For AMATEUR HOUR I had five readers, all were parents. Four of the five were women because I knew women would likely make up the majority of my readers. For BUT YOU SEEMED SO HAPPY I have nine readers which, to me, is a lot of readers (which equals a lot of feedback!) given I don’t have a whole lot of time to turn around my next draft. But I’m excited about every single person in the mix.
All 9 are or have been married. Six women, three men. I think this book will cross the Great Gender Divide more so than AH but still will likely skew toward a heavier female readership. Three are either divorced (or in that process) or have been divorced previously. One has been doing what I’ve been doing—publicly separated while living together in the same house with kids. I feel like these readers represent a robust cross section of the type of reader I want to pick up this book and I don’t have any fears that I’m at some sort of weird ego/personal agenda/ crossroads with any of them.
CHOOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER AND SMARTER THAN YOU!
There is no reason to pick people who are worse at doing book-and-writer-things than you are, other than your own fragile ego. Look, I’ve already gotten tough questions on my book and I’m not saying I love it but I’m not saying I disagree with those comments or questions either. This is supposed to be the process, being pushed to be better. Every person I’ve chosen is absolutely better than me at some aspect of writing, editing, conceptual thinking, humor writing, criticism, structure and/or publishing.
LIMIT TRIGGERS *POW* *POW*
This is just general advice I’ve learned the hard way—when you’re writing you need to limit your interactions with people who are going to push your fucking buttons six ways to Sunday about your book. We all have our issues and sometimes not-great dynamics pop up throughout the process. Writing a book is a form of temporary insanity (ironically, sort of like planning a wedding) where you think you’re being super reasonable and emotionally stable. Then you look back and think *whew* *WOW*. (This can also absolutely be true of how others treat you, too.) Working on a book or any writing, really, are not only labor-intensive but they scratch everyone’s favorite itches—insecurity, jealousy, doubt. The more you can limit your exposure to those things the better. And don’t worry, all that shit will be waiting for you when your book launches!
BUYING THIS BOOK HELPS
Lastly, I have plugged this book before but I’m plugging it again. It is the dream book I wish I had a couple years ago. I cobbled together about 3 (old-ish) books and a variety of other resources to get only a fraction of what this book delivers in one thorough, up-to-date, easy-to-understand package. Before and After The Book Deal: A Writer’s Guide to Finishing, Publishing, Promoting, and Surviving Your First Book by Courtney Maum
OTHER THINGS:
BIG OL’ BOOK RECOMMENDATION
During my week off from my book and before freelancing again I decided to spend just about every waking hour putting our affairs in order (very normal vacation activities! Preparing for death!) I mean I knew we had done some things (we had bought disability insurance and life insurance policies and upped those regularly, had a will done uhhhhh 11 years ago?) but had never looked at the big picture. And, most importantly and terrifyingly, no one aside from me knew where everything was, documents, account numbers, any of it. As I worked to pull account numbers into one place I had a brief flash of, “Wait. Didn’t I buy a book about this??” I had. And I had promptly placed it on a shelf, unread. I read it cover to cover in just the past 3 days and will be using it as my guide as I keep working through alllll this important stuff. What Matters Most: The Get Your Shit Together Guide to Wills, Money, Insurance, and Life's "What-ifs" by Chanel Reynolds. She’s a one-woman movement, sadly inspired by the sudden death of her husband when he was just 39 in a cycling accident. The book is a mix of that entire tragic story told in refreshing no-fucking-around language and tips and checklists along the way. She also has free checklists on her website, where all this work started for her. This book came out a year ago but boy is it needed right now.
Related: “It’s Time To Talk About Death” and “What You Should Know Before You Need a Ventilator” both from The New York Times.
NEW FROM ME
• PBS NewsHour Interview: A very normal thing to have happen in my life (in general) and during a global pandemic (in particular). My interview with PBS NewsHour about working from home with kids, inspired by my piece from The Cut.
• The Home Edit: My Homeschooling While Working From Home During a Global Pandemic Bingo piece for McSweeney’s made it onto this list with Chrissy Teigen, Leslie Jordan, Tiger King, Ina Garten, and Max Greenfield. Normal!
CORONA-COVERAGE
I wasn’t going to include anything Corona-related in this newsletter but truly who am I kidding. At least most of these steer away from instilling me with abject terror.
• “That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief” from The Harvard Business Review. By far the most emotionally helpful thing I’ve read.
• “Parent as a Verb: Quarantine Edition” in The New Yorker. One of my favorites of this series by the incomparable Emily Flake.
• “If I Wrote a Coronavirus Episode: Tina Fey, Mike Schur, and 35 more TV writers on what their characters would do in a pandemic.” from Vulture.
• Beneficial biscuits. I’ve gone to Portland, Maine a couple times to work on my book and I basically survived on everything from Tandem Bakery. I had hoped to go back again this spring but, you know. I was actually daydreaming about how amazing their biscuits are, like, obsessively daydreaming. Then I found out they were sharing their recipe (!!) as a fundraiser for their staff. Can. Not. Recommend. Enough. Find it / buy it here.
• “Photos: In Rural Towns and on Remote Farms, the Virus Creeps In” from The New York Times. I’ve stayed at The Jennings Hotel in Joseph, Oregon to write (what a total scam this writing thing is!) and what I wouldn’t give to go back again right now. Beautiful photos.
• “Shelburne Farms: Response to a Pandemic, 1918 & 2020” Incredible to see the historical photos and diary entries from a place I think of as my home-away-from-home for fun, fancy times.
THINGS FROM ELSEWHERE
• Sugaring season. If you’ve never seen how maple syrup is made this is just a tiny little window into that. Sugaring season is one of the best signs of spring around here, a sign that even if it’s still 10 degrees out while they’re boiling sap (it’s happened) that we’ve made it through the worst of winter. And then there’s all that sugar on snow (hot maple syrup poured onto snow) to eat. I miss going to a sugar house this time of year. I miss feeling excited about spring. Definitely the first time in 17 years I’ve seen a tulip start to poke through the dirt and thought “Meh, whatever.” This gave me a few of my feelings back: “A Quiet Season” from Shelburne Farms.
• Big dogs. My mother was a dog breeder and is still a dog handler and dog show judge. I grew up around Great Danes, a whole lot of them. I never thought twice about how unusual that was until I was out on my own and saw a Great Dane “in the wild” and was like, Jesus Christ that’s an enormous animal. I absolutely loved this from The New Yorker. “What Life In New York City Looks Like With A Great Dane”. Related: Highly recommend the novel The Friend by Sigrid Nunez if you haven’t read it yet.
• Something funny. A lot of general humor pieces are being sacrificed on the fires of this global pandemic. I know I clicked on this one … March 12th … and still hadn’t read it until this morning. So good. “Women From the POV of Male Creative Writing Undergrads” in The Rumpus. Also Shannon Reed has a book coming out in June! Why Did I Get A B? It was already a perfect pick as a teacher gift but I think everyone’s appreciating teachers *just a little bit more* these days.
• Tiny Desk Concert. Look, I didn’t want to like this. I wanted to think I had outgrown this band. I once got so drunk at one of their shows when I lived in LA that I was dancing on the stairs with a friend (this was prohibited, I think I shouted “WHAT IS THIS, FOOTLOOSE” but in hindsight this would’ve uh been a safety issue). After doing it repeatedly I was thrown out, I demanded to talk to a manager (how very white person of me!) while shouting “Do you know who I am???” (I was/am no one) and then they made me give a written statement (LOL this was not their first rodeo) which I still have a copy of somewhere. It’s about as legible and makes about as much sense as you’d expect. Probably should’ve just written a giant X instead and moved on with my life. Anyway, The Black Crowes.
• A poem. “Holderness” by Darren Higgins. I suggest you listen to it and not just blaze through it in a quick read.
• A podcast. Can’t recommend this enough for us ladies of a certain age. It’s just so good and validating and swear-y and yeah, I love it. “Everything is Fine”
• *gasp* Fleabag. “Now Is Your Chance to Stream the Stage Version of Fleabag Online” from Vulture.
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