Did you get a tattoo(s) after your divorce?
I want to hear from you for an upcoming newsletter!
One thing I noticed when I decided to finally pull the trigger on starting my left arm sleeve last November (after thinking about it for 6? 7? years), it’s that a heck of a lot of ladies get tattoos in the wake of their divorce. “Oh no am I a cliché?” —Me
But I didn’t just notice it here in Vermont and especially in hot yoga class (lol, subsets), but also on social media and with women I didn’t even know. If this is you, I’d love to hear from you for an upcoming newsletter! This is for EVERYONE, subscriber or not! Well, not everyone, I primarily want to hear from women on this one. Sorry, men :(
• How old were you when you got your tattoo?
• What was your relationship status at the time (thinking of divorce or separation, in the middle of it, after)?
• Was it your first tattoo ever? Did you get more than one?
• What was the inspiration or story behind it (or them)?
• How did it make you feel? How did others in your life react?
• If it’s been a while since you had it done, how do you feel about it now? Regrets? Wish you had done it even sooner?
• What did it (or does it) signify for you?
• Or tell me anything else you want to tell me. You don’t need to answer all the questions above, only the ones that resonate with you. Share any stories, insights, mishaps you like!
Feel free to send photos and shout out your tattoo artist as well, I’ll be linking to some of my favorite images.
Thank you! x
I got my first two, tiny tattoos at 18 and 22. Number three came shortly after my first divorce, at the age of 29; a commemoration of a long distance hike I did through Europe, which I had inked on my heel. At the age of 37 and remarried, I got a large Chinese dragon tattooed on my side after running my first marathon at The Great Wall. I didn't exactly ask "permission," as I'm a feminist and all, but I did make sure my new husband was okay with it first. "Okay" was a strong word for how he felt; the tattoo was big, though covered unless I was wearing a bikini. Five and six, both on the inside of my right elbow, commemorated completion of my first 100 mile running race (age 39) and 200 mile race (age 41). My husband was again "okay" with #5, a small triangle, and I neglected to tell him I was getting #6, a small Bigfoot. But what was done was done, and I ran 200 miles in the wilderness while he was out getting drunk, so what was he going to say? I was 43 the afternoon he called me when I was in the tattoo shop getting #7. He said, "Where are you?" and I said, "I'm getting tattoo. I forgot to tell you." [I didn't forget]. It's a tug-of-war rope that runs the length of my left forearm. By then I had read Hanif Abdurraqib's essay "Brief Notes on Staying" about 100 times: "[t]he way I think about grief is that it is a the great tug-of-war, and sometimes the flag is on the side you don't want it to be on ... even though I am sad, my hands are still on the rope. I am making my best work when my hands are on the rope, even if I'm not pulling back." It felt easier to get the tattoo than to keep torturing myself by reading that essay. I checked into a hotel the next day. My divorce has been final since April.
Oh wow, how did you know? I don't currently have any tattoos, but I have always found them really beautiful on other people. I got divorced in the last year. My ex HATED tattoos, so that was always off the table, and now that I can make my own decisions about these things (really shoulda been a red flag that I felt I couldn't before) I keep pondering the idea... I didn't know it was an official divorce thing, though! I want to see everybody else's divorce tattoos!