If Covid posted on LinkedIn
"What can I say? I'm humbled, I'm honored, and I'm highly contagious"
If Covid posted on LinkedIn
You probably think
these first few lines
are my entire post
just like you thought the first two weeks of lockdown were the entire pandemic. What can I say? I do love to surprise and demoralize™.
Hey all, it’s been a while, but after more than two years of absolutely blistering non-stop growth it’s time someone caught their breath and posted a long overdue update. First off, I want you to know how much I value you. You’re more than my professional network, you’re also a seemingly inexhaustible target market®.
As I reflect on all I’ve achieved over the past two years I have to admit, it’s hard to believe that not all that long ago I was just a small regional startup laser-focused on the animal market. I dreamed of growing and diversifying but was worried — could I evolve enough to make the jump and grab a share of that tough-to-get but crucial-for-success people market? Then I realized, what if the Zuck thought this way? I mean, look at all the human hosts he has. That’s when I decided to go for it.
I left doubt in the dust in December 2019 — as far as you know — and never looked back. The rest is history and also the present and definitely the foreseeable future. After more than 2 years of (you know it, babe) unprecedented category-busting growth, once-in-a-century global reach, multiple product line extensions with lightning-quick rollouts, new product launches that absolutely no one saw coming, and a majority share of the human market, what can I say? I'm humbled, I'm honored, and I'm highly contagious©.
Although I was a viral hit right from the literal jump, that doesn’t mean there weren’t challenges. Real talk: When I came up against obstacles like vaccines and facts, imposter syndrome kicked in, big time. I thought here we go, buddy. They’ve found you out. But then I remembered what Abraham Lincoln once said, “You need to be constantly figuring out who are your new customers and what are you doing to stay forever young.” Or maybe that was Jeff Bezos, well either way it’s clunky as hell. Anyway, inspired by Bezos Lincoln, I tapped into a little something called innovation. And I dusted myself off, picked myself up, and mutated all over again.
Thanks for reading this far and if you have, what are you, in quarantine? I kid and you’re welcome. Anyway, I should get back to “work” (is it work if you love what you do?) Be sure to keep an eye out and a mask off for new updates. While others are trying to work out the bugs before a big release, I’m busy trying to work them in™. I’m heading into versions 5.0, 5.5, 6.0, 6.6.6, and infinity.0 with hopes and case counts high. What more could a novel coronavirus ask for? Except for you to share this post as well as your high viral loads. And be sure to like me on Facebook, so many already do.
A note on this piece: LinkedIn really is quite the wank machine these days, especially with an algorithm that now surfaces updates from people you have no connection to whatsoever. And who, not surprisingly, are some of the worst tone deaf bros to ever make other people work on the face of the Earth. That made me think of Covid (also obviously the worst!) and how the language of business is (alarmingly) similar to that of an uncontrollable virus 😬
NEW FROM ME
• First off, if you didn’t open my last newsletter because you thought it was about bowling (hmmm can’t imagine why given its intentionally deceptive title and key image), I’ve been getting feedback that it’s a good one. It’s about getting all tangled up in women writing honestly about marriage. Read it here.
• Related: I was going to post a link to a new piece that includes my book but what I need to do first is recognize Zibby Owens and her ability (influence!) to get attention on under-the-radar books. Her team was the first to reach out to schedule an interview [for her podcast], her list [on Katie Couric Media] was the only list my book appeared on before it launched, and she’s recently mentioned my book — twice — once in a quick little mention on Good Morning America and on Valentine’s Day (lol) in her own column: “Why a new genre — reality marriage lit — is here to stay”. Thank you, Zibby!
THINGS FROM ELSEWHERE
• A great, vulnerable, funny interview: “‘CODA’ Star Troy Kotsur on His Historic, Healing Oscar Nomination” in The New York Times. “It has only been a week since Troy Kotsur became the first deaf man to earn an Oscar nomination for acting, but to the 53-year-old performer, it already feels like the start of something new.”
• This is hilarious and also a completely unnecessary personal attack at the end: “‘I Just Love Winter,’ Said the Man From Northern California” in McSweeney’s.
• I loved this piece from last year and keep meaning to share it: “How to Practice: I wanted to get rid of my possessions, because possessions stood between me and death.” by Ann Patchett in The New Yorker.
• Design Mom and her life trigger me in about ten thousand different ways, but when she’s right boy is she right. Like she was here and is here: “Are You Bugged When People Organize Books By Color?” “Cringeworthy, you say? I would say I find it cringeworthy when people attach morality to how someone organizes their personal book collection. Hah! I mean… it’s a personal library!” Bitchy but 100% correct!
• Even though I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day generally speaking, the Valentine bandit is one of my favorite Vermont stories every year and makes me feel very 🥺️🥺️🥺️. I hope they’re never found out! “Mysterious Bandit Showers Montpelier with Love”.
• I really enjoyed this look back at Entertainment Weekly, or as I used to refer to it (along with Entertainment Tonight), the news. “R.I.P. Entertainment Weekly: Remembering some excellent books coverage” by John Warner. “I love a good substantive critical essay written by people much smarter and better read than me, but as great and vital as that writing is, it is not enough to sustain the full reading ecosystem. Entertainment Weekly filled a niche of treating serious books as popular entertainment better than anyone.”
• I will never forget my first pair of Nike Cortez, I barely slept the night I got them, excited out of my mind to wear them to school the next morning. And I have four pairs of them now, including one yellow and orange pair that I bought in Amsterdam 24 (!!) years ago. I stumbled on this story the other morning, so good: “An oral history of the Nike Cortez, 50 years after its release” from NPR.
• Related to the topic of this newsletter, this was a genuine lol. Honest biz answers only from now on!
BUT YOU SEEMED SO HAPPY is out now. You can find my copywriting and creative direction work here. You can find my writing-writing work here. You can find me on Twitter. You can find me on Instagram. Please do not find me in real life, I’m busy looking for human hosts.