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Inspired by the Supreme Court, I will also be following my own code of conduct
"Habeas corpus and forthwith, I shall be saying one thing and doing another"
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After a long 13-month stretch where my brain absolutely could not process, care about, consider, nor write humor, something kicked in when I was in Chicago and I started working on some new pieces. It’s not going to be a big focus for me going forward but it does feel good to know that my spongy brain — rusty and clunky as it may be — still wants to give this sort of thing a go. I hope you enjoy this one! If you don’t, you can keep it to yourself! And if you like it, it’s free for everyone so please share it across the Devil’s internet!
“Lower court judges are bound by a separate judicial code of conduct that requires judges to avoid ‘the appearance of impropriety in all activities’ and includes a process to investigate allegations of misconduct. The nine justices do not have such a code, though court transparency advocates and some lawmakers have long pressured the high court to adopt one. The justices have discussed but failed to reach consensus on a binding policy, despite talks dating to at least 2019.” — The Washington Post, May 2, 2023
Opinion: I can’t believe I’m saying this but thank you, Supreme Court. Inspired by your ability to throw morals, ethics, and sort of seems like the law right out the window, I’ve decided to also cast off my moral cloak along with my glorified high school graduation gown, and shimmy right into my own code of conduct, per pro, per quod, per se, etc.
• Habeas corpus and forthwith, I shall be saying one thing and doing another.
• In my interlocutory judgement, if I have smelt it, it is no longer plausible that I am also guilty of having dealt it.
• I call shotgun forever plus one day wherein a day equals no less than 24 consecutive hours, caveat emptor.
Sidebar and hostile witness to Senator Lindsey Graham: Before you even think of chiming in on my code of conduct, I’m way ahead of you buddy. I’ll use your own words against you like a big ol’ codifying statute and accuse you of “an unseemly effort” to “delegitimize the Kimberly Harrington vibe.” So don’t go trying any de facto, de jure, de novo crapola on me, friend.
Sure force majeure, I might be drafting my code of conduct from a random selection of NDAs, freelance contracts I still don’t understand, and a UK legal glossary from the internet, but I think it’ll stand up just about as well as the claims that Supreme Court justices don’t know what a conflict of interest is.
Back to my interlocutory proceedings.
• As it applies to the matrimonial home, I will no longer abide by the doctrine of live, laugh, love and will instead be pushing the gospel of lie, loaf, later ✌️
• Per my motion in limine, I will be doing unto others nowhere near what I will be doing unto myself.
• And malicious falsehood, I shall bring a number of items far over the minimum allowed into the dressing room with me. Forthwith, grow up.
Lastly, ad hoc and in conclusion, The Honorable, the Chief Justice and the Associate Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States. Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! All persons having business before Me, are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the Court is now sitting. God save the United States, Kimberly Harrington specifically, and this “Honorable” “Court”! Lastly, breach of contract, breach of duty, breach of trust and like, nolo contendere.
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