What's Sticky? about Being a Grownup

THE LIST for February 20, 2023

All of the images in this newsletter are by the legendary Norman Seeff including this one of Jodie Foster, taken in Los Angeles in 1976

Before we get to today’s newsletter, my latest review for The Washington Post went up last week: “Decades after ‘The Vagina Monologues,’ its creator seeks a reckoning”

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[*Uncle Leo voice*] HEL-LO. I’m sick with what I hope is just a cold. I was also out late Saturday night, whooping it up at the 50th birthday party for one of my best pals and all I can is — how was I still even friends with her knowing all this time she wasn’t even 50 yet? Annoying. Also: If you live alone at least part (if not all) of the time, I don’t think I have to tell you how sore a throat can get from talking and shouting and laughing non-stop. All this to say, my brain, body, and energy levels over the past several days haven’t been at their best.

I’m also officially in the last week-and-a-half of my no-work life. I’m excited to get back to work, truth be told. I’ve been away from full-time work since mid-November which feels like such a crazy long time ago. I’ve never had an extended work break that wasn’t completely sucked up by working on or promoting a book. I keep thinking I should be dreading this return to full-time structured work (because: work) but what I’ve grasped is that it’s a critical step toward building the next chapter of my life. And at the very least, injecting some much-needed stability into my current one. And that all led me to thinking about being a grownup.

This one’s free for all subscribers so you can forward it to anyone who you think might enjoy it!

Carly Simon · Los Angeles 1974 © Norman Seeff

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How Not to F*ck Up Your Face by Valerie Monroe on Substack

I discovered Valerie and her newsletter thanks to her excellent appearance on Everything is Fine, a podcast for women over 40. Hers was one of my absolute favorite interviews they’ve ever done, and now I’m a devoted reader of her Substack. Between Valerie’s background, experience, age, connections, and voice, she’s the perfect no-bullshit guide for every woman who continues to wrestle with complicated feelings about an aging face. One of her newsletters (linked below) singlehandedly changed my approach to skincare and I stopped searching for the ever-elusive and ever-more-expensive “hope in a jar”

Easy, Effective—and Inexpensive

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Jane Fonda · Los Angeles 1979 © Norman Seeff

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“Are You the Same Person You Used to Be?” by Joshua Rothman in The New Yorker

How can you not read this piece with the dek “Researchers have studied how much of our personality is set from childhood, but what you’re like isn’t who you are.”

An excerpt: “The passage of time almost demands that we tell some sort of story: there are certain ways in which we can’t help changing through life, and we must respond to them. Young bodies differ from old ones; possibilities multiply in our early decades, and later fade. When you were seventeen, you practiced the piano for an hour each day, and fell in love for the first time; now you pay down your credit cards and watch Amazon Prime. To say that you are the same person today that you were decades ago is absurd. A story that neatly divides your past into chapters may also be artificial. And yet there’s value in imposing order on chaos. It’s not just a matter of self-soothing: the future looms, and we must decide how to act based on the past. You can’t continue a story without first writing one.”

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“Danke schön! ‘The John Hughes Mixtapes’ sheds light on vibrant and essential movie soundtrack gems” by Annie Zaleski in Slate

This one’s for all you John Hughes movie nerds / soundtrack dorks / GenXers.

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“‘Call My Agent!’ Puts a Human Spin on Show Business” [gifted link] from The New York Times

I am quite late to the French show Call My Agent! and happy I didn’t give up on it completely (after a quintessential ugly American moment when I plopped down on the couch on a Friday night months ago, decided to give it a shot and then sighed “subtitles?!? ugh!” and bailed). Once I started watching, I absolutely could. not. stop. The characters and language worked their way into my brain so deeply that I’d be replaying moments in my head, bits of dialogue, as I washed dishes and checked email. As the above article points out, it just feels different than how the same stories might be handled in this country. More grown up, less cartoonish, certainly more stylish, and genuinely sexy.

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“All the Underwear I’ll Be Packing for a Three-Day-Weekend Trip” by Emily Kling in McSweeney’s

I wish this wasn’t how I packed but it is literally how I pack 😭

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Tina Turner · Los Angeles 1983 © Norman Seeff

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“You Don't Need To Get Married or Have a Kid To Have a Party” in Culture Study by Anne Helen Petersen

I’ve steered a bunch of you to AHP and I understand those of you who are like “I wish I could read all of them! But it’s so much all the time!” I spent my sick day yesterday sifting through and culling my overstuffed virtual TO READ email folder. Not gonna lie, I was doing a lot of SELECT ALL + DELETE. I probably read half of all the newsletters I saved from a dozen different Substacks plus links I send myself from Instagram (why) and [Stuart Smalley voice] that’s okay. But the headline of this one obviously caught my eye and it’s worth a read! It’s good, specific, and helpful.

“I think it is so deeply important to celebrate more than just weddings and babies which feel like they take up all the airspace and are obviously worth celebrating, but not the only things we should gather for. We should be celebrating everyone’s big life moments with BIG parties and/or registries. I want to celebrate your new job! And your new apartment that you bought ALONE. And I absolutely want to celebrate your new pet and your decision not to have a child. Normalize asking your friends and communities to show up for the things that are important to a fuller life — whatever that means to you.”

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Van Halen · Los Angeles 1979 © Norman Seeff

You can find my books here. You can find my writing here. You can find my copywriting and creative direction work here. You can find me on Instagram. Please do not find me in real life, I have Kleenex stuffed up my nose and it is not sexy.