I don’t care if the calendar is a construct, it matters to me that it’s no longer 2023 and is, in fact, 2024. Will it be better? It’s a general election year, what do you think? All I know is that I’m starting the new year recovering from my first run-in with Covid. I tested positive while writing my last newsletter so if you think I can’t stick to a theme I will offer that newsletter as evidence to the contrary.
It’s a weird virus, isn’t it? Sore throat on Day 8? Hey lil buddy, you were supposed to be here on Day 1! Stuffiness on Day 10? Broseph, you usually kick off this whole parade, not bring it up the rear with the horse hockey scoopers! I have no idea if I’m getting better, worse, or this is just my life now. Regardless, I’m realizing that starting a new year with (maybe mild?) Covid is actually the most realistic way to start a new year. I can’t do anything that’s hard and I’m sleeping a lot. The holiday dead week basically never ended for me, and that’s how it should be. Resolutions? In the icy cold grip of gray, bleak, non-holiday January? In this (non-recession, SHUT UP MEDIA) economy?
Anyway, I haven’t done a What’s Sticky? for a while. So let’s get to some dating and sex stuff even though I’m currently feeling like the most repulsive collection of cells on the planet. But there’s someone for everyone, right? I SAID RIGHT.
“Is he the perfect man or is he just a result of the painstaking emotional labor performed by every women he’s ever dated?” by Madeleine Trebenski in McSweeney’s
“To keep the scales of universal justice aligned, credit must be given where credit is due. So, before you get caught up in how he appreciates cats and talks openly about going to therapy, ask yourself, ‘Is he really an emotionally evolved self-aware incarnation of soft masculinity come to Earth fully formed? Or am I just looking at the end result of years and years of tedious, thankless, burnout-inducing toil performed by the long line of women he’s dated?’”
“Emily Morse Wants You to Think Seriously About an Open Relationship” from The New York Times Magazine [gifted link]
NYT: In the book, you say nonmonogamy is not a way to fix a relationship. Why not?
EM: The people in successful ethical nonmonogamous relationships have a very healthy relationship to their own sex life and their own intimacy, their own desires. People who are like, ‘Yeah, let’s go find someone else to have sex with, to spice it up’ — usually those couples don’t have a deeper understanding of their own sex life and what they want from a partner. Another version of that is, ‘Let’s have a baby!’ These drastic things that people do to make their relationship more interesting or to distract themselves from problems usually don’t work. Couples who are successful have rigorous honesty and a deeper knowledge of their own sexual wants and desires.
Read the full article here.
“Jan. 6 rioter nabbed in Bumble dating app sting pleads guilty to assaulting officers” from NBC News
Every word of this belongs in the Smithsonian. Every sentence an absolute pleasure and delight. This woman should simply be in charge of everything. Her vibe says “fightin’ crime isn’t hard when their brains are so soft and pliable.” This quote (and the next and the next):
“The woman referred to as "Witness 1” in Taake's FBI affidavit has previously recalled how ‘comically minimal ego-stroking’ from her led Trump supporters to give her information about their activities on Jan. 6.
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