"Last night I tried to dress up, to look sexy and feminine I guess, although I increasingly question the definition of those words and specifically how they apply to this changed and changing me."
I had to put my daughter's favorite chicken (yes...chicken) Milkie to sleep yesterday after days of feeling like maybe she was on the mend. (But I'm not a vet, so wtf was I thinking??)
Although I have had pets that needed to "cross the rainbow bridge" in my life, this was the first time I had to be the adult in the room to make the call, and let my daughter know beforehand and make the surreal other hard decisions: "Did I want a private cremation at $200 so that we could receive a jar of ashes to remember her by, or a 'group cremation' for $50?" (No jar, no ashes). (I went with the group cremation.) Things that I never possibly could have envisioned having to ponder over when we decided to get pandemiChickens in 2020.
Through it all, the young vet was amazing. He called Milkie "Sister" (as in, "Hey, not feeling so good today, eh Sister?" "Time for the good drugs now, Sister") and was so wonderful at laying (no pun intended) out all of the options, not making me feel pressured one way or the other and just basically not making me feel like a piece of shit human for not wanting to invest $900-$1200 to keep a chicken alive. Making lots of analogies like "If this was the Olympics and her health was equivalent to running the hurdle race, she would need to clear every hurdle to win", not because he didn't think I couldn't grasp the situation in a condescending way, but because talking about the prospect of clearing every hurdle hit the message home in a beautifully simple way. I knew that he knew the complexity of the decision and that he was not only trying to do what was best for Milkie, but what would ease the load of the decision for me, too. That was such a gift.
"Last night I tried to dress up, to look sexy and feminine I guess, although I increasingly question the definition of those words and specifically how they apply to this changed and changing me."
GET OUT OF MY HEAD hahahah
Yes. And ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hoo this resonates, especially for this week.
I had to put my daughter's favorite chicken (yes...chicken) Milkie to sleep yesterday after days of feeling like maybe she was on the mend. (But I'm not a vet, so wtf was I thinking??)
Although I have had pets that needed to "cross the rainbow bridge" in my life, this was the first time I had to be the adult in the room to make the call, and let my daughter know beforehand and make the surreal other hard decisions: "Did I want a private cremation at $200 so that we could receive a jar of ashes to remember her by, or a 'group cremation' for $50?" (No jar, no ashes). (I went with the group cremation.) Things that I never possibly could have envisioned having to ponder over when we decided to get pandemiChickens in 2020.
Through it all, the young vet was amazing. He called Milkie "Sister" (as in, "Hey, not feeling so good today, eh Sister?" "Time for the good drugs now, Sister") and was so wonderful at laying (no pun intended) out all of the options, not making me feel pressured one way or the other and just basically not making me feel like a piece of shit human for not wanting to invest $900-$1200 to keep a chicken alive. Making lots of analogies like "If this was the Olympics and her health was equivalent to running the hurdle race, she would need to clear every hurdle to win", not because he didn't think I couldn't grasp the situation in a condescending way, but because talking about the prospect of clearing every hurdle hit the message home in a beautifully simple way. I knew that he knew the complexity of the decision and that he was not only trying to do what was best for Milkie, but what would ease the load of the decision for me, too. That was such a gift.
Thank you for that poem.
I appreciate you sharing your life and journey and process. Can relate, am feeling for and with you.
Looking forward to joy coming.